Sometimes, I wonder why I have this blog. Does anyone actually read it? How much can I say without people getting pissy? Do I really care if what I say pisses people off? Why am I wondering? I have said things, asked questions, asked for opinions and no one bothers to answer, or no one bothers to read.
Life, right now, is kind of crappy. Ed is living & working in Michigan. I am here, in Ohio, at a job I do not much care for, wondering if I made a HUGE mistake going to law school. I took one of those personality tests that is supposed to help you figure out what you should be doing for a career. Lawyer was so far away from my personality type that I all of a sudden do not feel as bad that I am questioning what I have done/become. Now, I have to figure out what my next step is going to be. Actually, it is what our next step will be since my life is not my own anymore. I tend to forget, even after 5 years, that any decision I make affects more than just me. I have to remember that I have Ed to think about and that it is best if I include him in discussions before I make a decision.
Family is funny. They say they are thinking of us and hoping we find a place back in Michigan. But, are they really thinking of us, or are they just being selfish because they will be happier if we are there? I have been doing some reading of some blogs and have come to realize that I am not as important to people as I thought I was. It hurts. It is kind of like being slapped in the face. On one hand, it is something I have always suspected, but on the other hand, it is REALLY difficult to have it actually put out there by the ones you love.
3 comments:
It makes me sad to read this entry. I think of you often and wish you had a better support system in Ohio to help you through this crappy stage of your career/life! Where you end up isn't as important to me as you and Ed being happy with life! Wish we were better connected, so I could I would know what you needed or how to support you from here! Hang in there! Take care! We're praying for you!...really we are! SMILE
I'm glad you wrote what you did, because it's how you feel. But I also hope that you will realize with time that it's not all true. Your family obviously wants you to be close to us, but your happiness is the most important thing.
I also know the feeling of being frustrated because you think you're going down the wrong path. I feel that way almost everyday. And I'm honestly planning on feeling that way for a long time yet as I have no idea what it is that I want to do. I guess all we can do is feel lucky that we even have the opportunity to decide what we want to do, and the ability to change our minds.
I know it's been hard for you and Ed to be apart, and I don't pray much, but when I do, I ask God to shed some light on your situation.
I love you both and am so excited to see you next weekend.
Love you more...
Andrea
PS I read your blog all the time...I just don't always have a minute to leave comments.
Stacy Marie Meinema Lebbon ... YOU ARE LOVED ... yesterday, today, and tomorrow!!! I know it doesn't always feel like it, but it's a fact you're going to have to live with. You are a treasure, and I'm blessed to know you.
It's okay to feel sad and now know what you really want. No matter where you go or what you do, there will probably always be questions. Perhaps it's because I'm looking at losing my job again, but it seems nothing is ever always stable or decisions easy.
The most important, is that you ARE loved. I do wish selfishly for you to be in Michigan. But if your happiness means moving to another state or staying in Ohio, then that's the right thing to do. No matter what or where, you'll be loved.
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